Itâs not just backcombing, betrayals and bonking in this second part of series two. There are moments of real poignancy
Tony Baddingham? Tony Worse-ingham, more like! For reasons best known, one suspects, to streaming giant Disneyâs revenue-maximisers, the second series of Rivals has been split up into two parts of six episodes each.
We left the rutting folk of Rutshire just after Rupert Campbell-Black (Alex Hassell, a sex god by way of Hugh Laurie and once you notice this you canât unsee it) had broken the news to arch-rival Tony (David Tennant, having the time of his life as the unrepentantly villainous mogul) that his wife, Monica (Claire Rushbrook), had been killed.
She drove off into the Great Storm of 1987 after discovering Tonyâs affair with Maud (Victoria Smurfit), his bitter enemyâs wife, and demanding â at last â a divorce. One tree later, however, poor Monicaâs dreams of freedom and future happiness ended.
Now, after a five-month hiatus for viewers, we arrive at the funeral. Never has there been more lustful inter-pew side-eyeing. Taggie (Bella Maclean, doing such fine work with what could be a tremendously boring character) and Rupert Reformed-Bounder-Question-Mark are yearning across the aisle.
Freddieâs moustache is quivering at Lizzie and Lizzieâs perm is quivering right back (sported, respectively, by Danny Dyer and Katherine Parkinson). Gerald (Hubert Burton) and Charles (Gary Lamont) are suffused with the love that dare not speak its name, especially in front of Geraldâs new fiancee, Muffy (Eliot Salt) â but they find a way to express it non-verbally in the car after the service.
And James (Oliver Chris) doubtless is transfixed by the vision of himself in the nearest reflective surface.
After that, itâs sort of business as usual, but ⦠not quite? The Venturer v Corinium shenanigans continue as the fight for the franchise intensifies, but nobody watching cares about that.
Weâre here for the other shenanigans, the kind that have made Rivals beloved since the off â emotional scenes, dramatic reveals, painful confessions, SAUCE, backcombing, betrayals, SAUCE, dastardry and bastardry, dogs running around huge houses and grounds, a bit more SAUCE and all soundtracked by 80s bangers or Mozartâs Dies Irae, depending on the mood.
There is plenty of everything. Without Monica (she was, as a guest at the wake points out, his conscience) and full of grief and fury, Tony is off the chain. Two shotgun blasts and a brace of dead peacocks later, Tennant has turned his eyes black and given up blinking for the duration. Itâs very unsettling.
The parentage of Sarahâs baby is revealed and so, as the series progresses, is the state of the maternity clothes market in 80s Britain. Freddie and Lizzieâs relationship intensifies and he (possibly also she) discovers a lady part that apparently neither of them knew about before, which is nice.
There is a mole in the Venturer camp, shovelling information back to Tony. Is it the woman who used to work for Tony before she attempted to murder him? Or is it the woman sleeping with him now? Will Declan (Aidan Turner) discover that the latter woman is Maud, in revenge for â checks notes â him not going to see her in an Ibsen play? Will Gerald tell Muffy she has signed up to a lavender marriage?
Will Paul (Rufus Jones) notice Sarah is pregnant? And if he does, can he count to nine?
At the same time, however, it is as though a dark cloud is gathering…
